Over the past 13 years, I've had countless conversations with women about their bodies, their feelings about them, their self-perception, and of course, all the perceived flaws they see. One simple truth has emerged: most women have no idea what they look like.
I’ve heard it all. "My thighs are too big," they say, yet in photos, this often translates to beautiful curvy hips and a small waist. "My boobs are too small, saggy, or uneven," but the reality is, everyone has one breast larger than the other. It's normal. Breasts sag over time—whether they're large, after having children, losing weight, or simply aging. It's a natural process, so why view it negatively? And when did small breasts become undesirable? Women often tell me they have the worst cellulite or stretch marks I’ve ever seen, which is rarely true. My personal favorite is, "I’m not photogenic or sexy," a sentiment echoed by nearly every woman. Perhaps no one has ever taken a flattering photo of them, so they haven’t seen their beauty. High-end fashion companies and magazines hire professional photographers for a reason: even the most beautiful people can look unremarkable without the right photographer.
Being sexy is much more about how we feel about ourselves inside. It's an aura, a feeling. Sexiness is about pleasure, and pleasure can be visual, physical, or through taste, but also intellectual, energetic, and emotional. Society, often driven by misogyny, confines sexiness to visual appeal, but it’s so much more. While the desire to be seen as physically attractive is understandable, it’s crucial to recognize that sexiness transcends physical appearance. Let’s not limit ourselves to a narrow definition.
Each week, new clients enter my studio with these distorted perceptions of their bodies. And each week, I witness women looking at the back of my camera and gasping in disbelief, "That’s not me?? Who is that? I never knew my body could look like that. Is that really what my butt looks like?"
These moments are the highlight of the boudoir experience. Watching a woman view herself with awe, seeing parts of herself she once avoided, and feeling delight instead of disgust is transformative. To see her eyes fill with tears because she likes what she sees—something she never thought possible—is powerful. These moments fundamentally change my clients forever. The energy shift is almost miraculous, a complete change in perception.
Many people think boudoir photography is just about pretty pictures, some even see it as vanity. When I first started, I might have agreed. But I quickly realized it’s so much more. Many of us need healing—from the lies society tells us, from the false beliefs instilled by others, and most importantly, from our harsh judgments about our bodies.
Recently, I experienced a significant shift in my own life, prompting me to delve deeper into my healing journey. I’ve always believed that to truly help my clients, I need to do my work. But healing is not linear. It comes in waves, peeling back layers one at a time and allowing them to heal. Occasionally, life presents circumstances that signal it’s time to shed another layer. This recent, painful phase is helping me uncover a more authentic version of myself, which in turn, will help me guide other women to see their bodies with more compassion.
Next time you catch yourself criticizing your body, pause and ask, "Do I even really know what I look like?"
